Being Honest

I took it again.
I left my center for two parties.
I lied to myself.
Im now paying the consecuences with all the thoughts in my mind.
Im feeling doubts about everything that im doing.
I feel regrets about things in the past.
I feel sad because i lost the peace i found and ive been secretly keeping inside.
I wonder if there is something real in all these lies in wich ones im living now.
I cry without tears while i see masks hiding more and more pains and fears.
I lost mysef.

I want to be somebody that is not me.
because i realize im acting
creating an ego
being cool
being somebody else but not me
I change my body position when somebody comes
I lie when somebody ask me how I am
I think about being a poet and try to write something somebody will like
I think about what people will think when they read what i write
I lie and lie and lie and lie and lie.
Because what I rally want is nothing at all

Now i know,
I need loneliness,
at the beggining is always sad and hard.
but with time, something begins to flow
something from within
is always from within
so I keep on walkin, even with one eye closed and the other almost too.
but opened enough to see where is where im walkin to.
opened enough to see my own steps
opened enough to not forget the first and last truth

the only solution; back to nature